THE PLAYMAKER

- This situation is not my favourite. I rather stay outside, eating my popcorn, crying and laughing with one of the main characters. -

Kata pepatah bilang, gajah berperang, pelanduk mati di tengah [1] (bener gak sih bunyinya gitu?) dan gue sangat ingin ketemu dengan manusia brilian yang menciptakan pepatah ini. Sebenarnya siapapun yang berperang, mereka yang ada di tengah pasti kena sialnya. Mereka yang di pinggir yang beruntung, bisa nonton dengan enak.

Gue rasa cuma mereka yang merasa dirinya sebagai polisi dunia yang bisa membenarkan segalanya (kecuali dirinya sendiri) yang tidak akan merasa keberatan dengan posisi tengah ini. Sama seperti central position dalam hal apapun, the "central" tag line itu memberikan loe tanggung jawab yang luar biasa besar. Kalau pundak kita tidak cukup besar untuk memanggul ini, pasti susah banget untuk jalaninnya. CEO will be blamed when the company does not make any profit. Manager klub akan jadi orang pertama yang di pecat kalau timnya gagal (luxemburgo, robson, remember?) Minyak akan disalahkan pertama kali kalo harga kehidupan meningkat. Presiden pasti akan disalahkan kalo negara gak makmur2 (Halo pak SBY, makasih pak, dollar singapore udah 6,000 sekarang nih.)

But, inevitably, kita dalam perjalanan hidup pasti sempat merasakan posisi 'central ' ini. Sebuah posisi yang well, membantu kita untuk menyelesaikan masalahnya secara baik tapi sebuah posisi yang menurut gue lebih memungkinkan kita untuk salah daripada benar. And I am really afraid of that. I did not think my shoulder is broad enough to carry the responsibility. And I do not think that I have extra space in my brain to carefully think what my steps should be, what my rights are and what advice should be given.

Posisi 'central' ini gak akan begitu buruk ketika hanya apa yang benar yang harus dipertimbangkan [2]. Tapi ketika posisi ini mempengaruhi feeling dan hubungan loe dengan sekitar, posisi ini jadi sebuah buah simalakama. Coba loe pikir deh, bayangkan sebuah kondisi ketika loe berada di sebuah situasi di antara kedua temen loe yang sedang berselisih paham. Asumsikan kalau teman loe yang lebih dekat adalah yang berbuat salah, menurut loe. Coba consider tiga option di bawah, mana yang lebih baik:

Option #1:
Loe tetap memilih sama temen loe yang lebih dekat. gak perduli walaupun dia salah, Apa itu gak menyalahi hati nurani loe yah? dan Sejauh mana loe mau membela teman loe? Sekalipun dia memperkosa?

Option #2:
You do what you think is right (tentunya bentar dari kacamata loe sendiri). Dengan pilihan yang satu ini, tentunya, hubungan loe dan teman dekat loe itu akan sedikit terhantam badai. Some can recover, but some don't, from my experience.

Option #3:
You stay outside. Loe memilih untuk tidak mendengarkan dari keduanya. At least try to be neutral, listen to them both, support them both. Posisi ini gak lebih baik. Karena dengan netral, kita terkesan gak mau nolong. Kadang juga bisa menyebabkan kesalahpahaman pada dua pihak. Si A akan mikir kita bela si B dan si B akan mengira kita membela si A. Lebih parah lagi kalo kita jadinya terlihat plin plan, belain dua-duanya, wah dikira bermuka dua dong.

About five years ago [2], I was in this position. And I think I screwed up quite bad. Coz I just follow what I think as right. Since then, I have not seen someone who can manage to stay in the middle very well. As neutral as possible. Last year, I remember someone said to me, " You are my friend, I want to believe in you more than her. So please, let me hear from you. ". This year, that opportunity came again. I spent quite sometime to think what to say, what to censor, what to advice from these two opportunities. I know one simple sentence will ruin everything.

Finally, I give up. I know, for me, there is no single best answer for this. I did not think someone with no superb quality can do any right on this matter. We, ordinary human [5], in my humble opionion can only do wrong in this position. But, there is a safe way to go through it. And for now, unlike my other decisions, safe is the best answer that I could think of. [6]. And the safest way is to be objective in giving your opinion, but really subjective in giving ur support. Anyone agrees?

Catlio
I wonder which one of them
is gonna state the obvious
I know this ain't the way it was planned
I guess it was not a great romantic
But there is no doubling back
there is no doubling back now.
[Adapted from Jason Mraz's - No Doubling Back]


[1] Gajah kalo perang pake pedang, panah apa kulkas?

[2] I believe that deep inside, people know what's right and what's wrong

[3] I have not bought my iRiver that time [4]

[4] Just find a way to mention my four-year-old iRiver in my blog.

[5] A disclaimer to exclude any prophet or God's messenger on this matter.

[6] Setidaknya masalahnya gak akan bercabang ke kita, ya gak? *winking to someone who give me this advice.

WHAT IF THE BETTER ONE COMES?

- Topik Basi!!! Madingnya udah mau terbit tau...- [1]

Pernah nonton reality show "Temptation Island"? Buat gue, itu adalah salah satu show favourite gue. Buat yang gak tau, tv show ini berkisah tentang beberapa pasangan yang berani atau bisa juga disebut cukup tolol, untuk menguji kisah mereka dengan pergi ke suatu pulau dimana mereka berdua akan dipisah lalu ditempatkan dengan para penggoda. Well, para penggoda nya jelas secara fisik lumayan dan tentunya pasangan yang pergi juga lumayan. (Kalo gak, yang godanya juga males, kali).

Di mata gue, dunia ini sebenarnya sebuah Temptation Island terbesar itu sendiri. Dan ya dunia ini adalah reality show yang paling menarik. The bitching, the affair, of course much more interesting in the real life. Buat mereka yang sudah berpasangan, tentunya, sedikit banyak bisa setuju sama pernyataan gue ini. (buat yang belum, cari pasangan buru makannya). Kita sering banget diuji. Ujian ini akan terasa sangat berat kalau "sang penggoda hati" lebih baik dibanding seseorang yang ada di sisi kita. Kata pepatah lama, di atas langit selalu ada langit, jadi pastinya selalu ada seorang yang lebih baik. Dan sulitnya lagi kata lebih baik itu kata relatif. Tergantung sekali atas sudut pandang, situasi dan kondisi (toleransi, pandangan dan jangkauan tidak termasuk disini).

Well, I flung this test several times and I am not proud of it. The fact that I flung several times tickles my head and my big mouth to ask some of friends whom I considered quite successfull, and here are some common answers that I heard about surviving this test:

1. M [2] the great student, once said to me " yang lebih baik emang banyak, Mo cuma yang bisa bikin sayang emang cuma cewe gue". Beberapa orang yang gue ceritain considered kata kata ini crap abis. Tapi dari apa yang gue liat memang begitu. Dan kata kata ini sering kali keluar dari banyak orang lain, dan gue rasa ini lebih seperti sebuah jawaban singkat tanpa penjelasan penuh. Walopun jawaban ini bagus dan mendasar, gue berpikir reasoning yang lebih mendalam di butuhkan.

2. R [3], one of the most admirable girl i've ever met. Well, she never answers this question directly. But from long chat that we had for several times, I admire her ability to drive her feelings towards what she think as right or wrong not what good and bad for her. But I think not everyone born as special as her. She is naturally that way. But some are not. She was as faithful as my four year-old iRiver. [4]

3. WT, one who sits next to me in the office said. "The five years" she had with her boyfriend is the thing that makes the difference. Well, I accept this answer partially as she explained that during that time span they've developed a very good understanding of each other (may be one nod means a kiss in the cheek, while twice means a kiss in the lip?). Partially. Karena ketika saya bertanya kembali lalu bagaimana dengan dua tahun pertama? Dia menjawab kalo hanya selama itu dia akan pergi demi si lelaki "lebih baik". Lima menit setelah saya bertanya, saya teringat seorang teman yang gagal hubungannya di pengujung garis finish, days before he reach some final steps. They fell down. Forgetting their five years together. I did not think time is the best answer. [5]

4. Mom, 1% talent, 99% hard work. She may be 1% naturally gifted to be that loyal, but the rest is hard work. That's what she said about R. Just think about the other side of the story along the way, she added. Everybody has a special way of surviving the test.

5. Her, the special one. She did not answer the question. But she told me that the question is in the same package with the magic that I always chase.

Now, here I am still looking for a comprehensive acceptable answer. Right now, I just kept telling myself that relationship comprises trust and respect. Without those two, it is meaningless. Therefore, I just try my best to keep those two and hoping that one day magically I can survive the test with flying colors.

Catlio
His WorkStation
Cause when I'm in over my head
I hear the words you said
That someone out there's
Listening to the same song
Feeling the same way that I do
Make me a believer pick up the receiver
And tell me you feel just like I do
I do(Better Than Ezra, I do)

[1] A tribute to "Ada apa dengan Cinta?"

[2] Kadang botak, kadang gondrong. Doyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan banget belajar.

[3] Bisa nyanyi, pacarnya jago maen gitar.

[4] I just try to find a way to mention my four year old iRiver.

[5] I did not want to blame anyone. Hey man, good luck. Hey girl, be strong and move on.

IT'S NEW YEAR, EVERYONE

- This time of year again. My Mum's Birthday and My Least Favourite Holiday. New Year. First Day of 2006 and Last Day f 2005 -

2005
I will always remembered 2005 for one gloomy feeling. In the beginning of 2005, I accept the fact that I had to give up one hope that I've held on so tight since 2000. With a group of friends who continuously remind me bout the greatest power in world, I learned to accept, and 2005 looked so much better since.

I will always remembered 2005 for that fabolous road trip to KL. It was fabolous. very much awesome.

I will always remembered 2005 for one nite when one window message suddenly appeared and changed my life. $4,000 handphone bills, race toward fitness, quit smoking, budget airlines and my first "Bapak-bapak" song. Yeah, it's the day when some started to yell at me about these decisions. Well, friends, like Matt and Trey said in Chef Aid: " Love isn't a decision, It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it will be much simpler, but much less magical. " [1]

And I will always remembered 2005 as the year when I earned my first dollar. CC, a Texas-based oil drilling equipment manufacturer, officially signed Bimo Eko Satrio as a product design engineer on 11th July 2005. Since that day, I continuously slept on a pile of AutoCAD dwg and Design Files.

I will always remembered 2005, as the year when my four year-old iRiver retired from its main duty, filling up my ear with new music. [2]

Finally, I will always remembered 2005 for the year when finally I gave my mother and father, air tickets to Singapore, a place that I called home for the past seven years. (That long?)

2006
2006 is knocking. Well, nothing changed. I still do not see the necessity of celebrating new year. Yet, this year, my mum forced me to make some kind of a plan for next year. For the past two weeks, she continuously irritated me about a list of achievement that I should have for next year.

And here's the list:
1. Master Degree. Heck.
2. Tidy House. Huahuahauha. U can start to include this thing for next year.
3. Financial Portfolio with specific amount as my saving target.
4. Investment Portfolio. My mum just want to make sure I don't waste so much money in stock market.

Well, after two weeks, I unconsciously added some more things into the list.
5. 63 kg and 2.4 km below 12 mins
6. " Hidup teratur. Hidup itu indah. " [3]
7. Personal Website, hmmm.
8. iBook. Sighhhhhh.
9. One post in my blog for each week of 2006.
10. Last but not least, berhenti bernyanyi "Bapak- Bapak". Amien. [4]

New Year never makes me feel excited, but every four year, I always a little bit happy during new year's eve, knowing World Cup will be held in six months time.

Catlio
Red Chair

[1] Matt Stone and Trey Parker are the creators of South Park. Chef Aid is one of Southpark Eposides aired in 1998.
[2] Just find a way to mention my four year old iRiver.
[3] Special thanks for Ufara Zuwasti for this advice.
[4] It means becoming "Ganteng, Putih dan Tinggi". Wish me luck my dear.