LET THEM LEARN

Di beberapa kejadian, saya sering mendengar orang-orang mengeluarkan keluhan seperti ini:

" Dia itu gue hargain banget, gue taruh dia di tempat tertinggi di hati gue, terus sekarang dia itu diperlakukan semena-mena sama orang itu? Gue gak terima, sumpah, gue gak terima'.

Dari seorang ibu, seorang bapak, kakak, adik, atau mantan pacar , oh ya penggebet abadi juga, saya pernah mendengar mereka mengeluh kata-kata di atas kepada saya. Saya mendengarkan dengan miris dan bisa merasakan apa yang mereka rasakan. Saya cuma bisa bilang kalau perasaan seseorang itu tidak tergantung dari bagaimana dia dihargai, tapi ya pure bagaimana dia merasa.

Sekitar dua minggu yang lalu, seseorang bilang kepada saya:

"Ikhlas, bim. Itu proses dia belajar. Biarkan dia belajar, kamu tidak bisa membuat dia mengerti, biar Allah yang mengajarkannya dengan kejadian itu. Mari berdoa buat dia, supaya dia mengerti dan tidak harus mengulanginya lagi."

Itu jawaban yang saya cari selama ini. It helps to calm me down most of the time.
Terima Kasih, Deu.

-Saya doakan kamu untuk yang terakhir kalinya supaya kamu bisa mengerti. Seperti Billy Joe bilang "Take the best of the test and Don't ask why. It's not a question but it's a lesson learnt in time"-

Catlio
2 Gul Circle

An epic-size, melodramatic, tragic & achingly real love story

- A friend, N, put this as his status on Facebook ," wonders, what would he do if he were Bimo Eko Satrio w/ all the epic-size, melodramatic, tragic & achingly real love stories? I salute you, Bim! You're the man! ". I do not know what would you do, man. But here is what I feel -

In short, it feels like sipping a crystal meth through your nose. You feel nice for a while, you get addicted and at one point of time, you realized that it is wrong and you have to go through a very shitty period to heal, or you just get addicted until you get overdosed and die. I believe you've listened to Third Eye Blind's Semi-Charmed Life [1] before. That's how precisely I feel right now, my life is like under a charm or spell by a w*tch.

I'm packed and I'm holding,
I'm smiling, she's living, she's golden and
she lives for me, She says she lives for me,
Ovation, She's got her own motivation,
she comes round and she goes down on me,
And I make her smile, It's like a drug for you,
Do ever what you want to do, Coming over you,
Keep on smiling, what we go through.
One stop to the rhythm that divides you,
And I speak to you like the chorus to the verse,
Chop another line like a coda with a curse,
And I come on like a freak show takes the stage.
We give them the games we play, she said,

T, my friend for 13 years and counting, told me that I always fall to one type of girls. I forget how she described it in detail, but she suggested that maybe that is the main reason why all my relationships failed. She told me to date a different type of girls. Maybe she is right, I was 'addicted' to one type of girls. Ones who show their affections on the early stage of relationship, then run a roughhood over my feeling after that.

I want something else, to get me through this,
Semi-charmed kind of life, I want something else,
I'm not listening when you say, Good-bye.

I do not know if T is right, but one thing I know for sure, that the One up there has a special plan for this. I know exactly, if I never met the previous ones, at this point of time, I may get very very depressed and cut my wrist at the moment. However, it seems that God prepared me stage by stage to be able to take the last one. I do not know the reason yet. But for sure, I can see the silver lining. God never test you unless God knows that you can take it. And I am so proud, if God thinks I can take all of these.

Now, it's my transition period. R, my big bro, told me "Normal Break-up needs transition. Your break-up will take more time. So be patient. Let me know what happened if you want me to listen and console". He is right. I have to be patient.

CL, a friend, told me, "You are brokenhearted as much as you allowed yourself to be. It can be weeks, years or decades. It depends how long you allowed it to be".

The sky it was gold, it was rose,
I was taking sips of it through my nose,
And I wish I could get back there, Some place back there,
Smiling in the pictures you would take,
Doing crystal meth, Will lift you up until you break,
It won't stop, I won't come down, I keep stock,
With a tick tock rhythm and a bump for the drop,
And then I bumped up. I took the hit I was given,
Then I bumped again, And then I bumped again.
How do I get back there to, The place where I fell asleep inside you?
How do I get myself back to, The place where you said,

I remembered few years back, in a late night chat with I, I told her "I know what to do during this time, it's just that sometimes it was so painful to go through it". It is kind of more difficult to go through it this time than the previous ones, because you guys are in Indonesia now. But, Love is always all around, right? And I am much a mature person than someone who hit the tree with his hands, hoping that the pain will dissapear from his heart and go to his hands. And God bless Internet, you guys are actually just a few keyboards typing away.

My confidence is ruined, my heart was crushed to powder. However, D, a sister, assured me that one day the one will come, at the right time and at the right place. Just as what happened to her, she finally married [2] to a great guy after for many years fall in love to a person who may even does not know that she loves him.

But now I'm struggling to survive,
The days you were wearing, That velvet dress,
You're the priestess, must confess, Those little red panties,
They pass the test, Slide up around the belly, Face down on the mattress,
One, Now you hold me, And we're broken.
Still it's all that I want to do. Feel myself with a head made of the ground,
I'm scared but I'm not coming down. And I won't run for my life,
She's got her jaws just locked now in smile but nothing is all right,
[Semi-Charmed Life, Third Eye Blind]

It's time to heal, it's time to move on, everybody said it's not worth it. And I think that they are right.

Maybe It's time to love again. R, my favourite sister, told me "Those are good lessons, so you can appreciate the next one better." She may be right. I always appreciate the next one better (and it always ends worse than the previous ones, heuahueaheaue). But maybe one day, there will be a different ending.

- Everytime I met someone who claims to be a fortune teller, these words always come into the picture "You'll have a good life, you'll reach the something that you never imagine before but your love of your life will end up in a big dissapointment". Sh*t -

Catlio
2 Gul Circle

[1] It's my number one all-time favourite song.
[2] Congrats, Deu. I hope my sad (read: tragic) story does not affect your happiness.

SHEILA ON 7 - BETAPA

Seminggu setelah kau pergi
teman silih berganti
menghiburku

berkata semua teratasi
dan terus sembunyi
di balik senyum palsu

ku dengar dirimu
tak sendiri lagi
betapa hancurnya
hati dan jiwaku

tolong bantu aku
melewati semua
[Betapa, Sheila on 7]

Keep Rocking Guys. You're the best.

CHUCK

MY NAME IS EARL [1]

I had always been fascinated by the concept of karma and justice. Therefore, I fell in love with this sitcom since the first time I watched it as the serial revolves around the concept of ‘karma’. For those who never watch this serial, the sitcom tells a story about Earl J Hickie, a crook with occasional run-ins with the law, who is trying to made as many good deeds as possible to payback all the bad things he had done in the past. For some, the serial may be boring as it always has similar story line, Earl finds a new way to pay bad karma and finish it at the end of the show, but for me, I like every piece of it as it’s kind of act as a reminder for me about the karma itself. [2]

Dengarkanlah matahariku, suara tangisanku
Kubersedih karna panah cinta menusuk jantungku
Ucapkan matahariku puisi tentang hidupku
Tentangku yang tak mampu menaklukkan waktu

One told me before that she was afraid of all the bad deeds she had done in the past. The karma may haunt her for the rest of her life. I, once, had the same thought as well. But then, we never know exactly how karma works. It’s just a black box whom only God knows how it works. We know the inputs, we know the outputs but we never know how God calculate it for us. I did many bad things in my life. Terrible. I hurt lots of people with my words and actions. But, it does not stop me embracing tomorrow. Who wants to embrace tomorrow if we all know things come in our way tomorrow only gonna hurt us?

Berjuta warna pelangi di dalam hati
Sejenak luluh bergeming menjauh pergi
Tak ada lagi cahaya suci
Semua nada beranjak aku terdiam sepi
[Matahariku, Agnes Monica]

Nonetheless, this does not mean I should give a damn care about my mistakes. I believe in every religion we are taught God is forgiving. So if we sincerely ask for forgiveness, one should get it. But again, it was not there to be taken for granted [2]. Apologize, to God and to the person you’ve hurt. Sincerely. Do whatever you can do to fix that mistakes (this is what Earl is doing). Finally, move forward by not repeating the same mistakes.

I still believe in Karma. But I am not afraid of it. The older we are, the more responsible we should be. The more we should accept the consequences of our acts. And the more we should appreciate those who did not pinned down their revenges on our bad deeds. For the bad deeds in the past, I can only fix it whenever possible. Sometime, it is not feasible to do that. Then, I just do the good deeds to someone I know, hoping that the kindness will be paid forward. So at the very least, I helped to create some equilibrium to the world by bringing some good karmas. Maybe that makes God to calculate the karma to my favour.

-I will not play a hero as I know the world does not revolve around me. I just wish I can be a hero for my special someone. Someone who can prove she is worthy enough for all my fights and sacrifices.-

Catlio
2 Gul Circle

[1] My Name is Earl is a title of sitcom aired by NBC not my real name.
[2] The show also received a lot of criticism as it was claimed having a Scientologist basis. I do not give a damn care. I guess every religion taught us, what goes around comes around.
[3] God is much more forgiving than a human. If God forgiveness is not supposed to be taken for granted, so do human’s. It takes much more for someone to forgive our mistakes. So appreciate them who forgive you.

Pure Gold