CONSERVATION OF YOUR FEELING (9.45 AM TRILOGY PART 1)

- 9.45 Am is my company official tea break time. Usually, I do something else during this time, but starting from now I decide to write for my blog -

Not so long a go, I chatted with a friend of mine on the phone. She intrigued me with one idea. She claimed that "You have a specific amount of feeling toward other people. The amount will never change, but the form may change" (sounds like conservation of energy law, right?). I never reject this claim but never accept it as well as I never think about this before.

I bare my windowed self untamed and untrained
Dreams that hardly touch our complexions truest faults
If room enough for both my drowsy spirit shall fall
Bold waves tumble to the season of my heart
You have offended my faith and my trust
Until all is lost into the beauty of the day
Until all is lost(see-yeah, see-yeah)
And I think It's Lost

When I give some thought over the idea, I start to think my friend may be right. In my university years, I learnt in my Human Factor subject that we have a specific amount of attention that can be used. For example, you will be less focus in your driving when you drive and listen to the radio at the same time (much less focus if you are driving and watching video in your car screen). I can draw a similarity on that with my friend's idea. We have limited energy, love, care and time (among the four factors, the last is the factor that you will not able to change). We can share or may be direct those to a certain number of people. No matter what efficiency rate you are running in, you will not able to increase those factors. What you can do is that change the directions of those factors toward selected people at the specific time frame.

And there's something in the way you laugh
And it makes me feel like a child
Aspects of life they confuse me
You and your thesis amuse me
After an afternoon with you
And your rich brown eyes
Your lips and dark hair
Elbows and exposed knees tossing toward your ceiling
After an afternoon

My friend explained her idea with a good example. "For example, you love someone very very very much. For any reason, you have to stop loving that someone. Maybe because he showed you an exit door as he has a new girl waiting. The amount feeling you have towards the person will remain the same. It just change its form. From love, you now loathe him very much". (from the example, I guess I pretty much give a clue who she is without mentioning her initial). It's true. This is a valid example. When I think about it, I could not agree more with her. The hate will be reduced, when you start to love someone else. You may experience when you breaking up with someone you may get closer with your friends, start to care more about them than you used to. Finally, you can stop hate that person when you start to love someone else. Well, it's love that heals you, not time, right? Come on, I know you agree with me. Another example would be when you cheated on your fiancee, ok let's make it more general, girlfriend or boyfriend, you will give less attention to him/her because you need to take care of your affair.

Face to palm
Tear to tear
And Mouth to tongue
Heart to ground
Heart to ground
Say, "I am in love"
Say, "Heart to ground"
Say, everything
Oh, Heart
Oh, Heart
Oh, Heart to ground
I am in love
[After an Afternoon, Jason Mraz][1]

I kinda admire her for this profound thought and almost accept this idea. However, I remembered about two years ago, someone whom I considered as a tutor, Bang R, told me "when u get married, you'll be running in twice capacity than you are now". Well, it was his experience. He could say that cause he has married. If this is true, means you can love people around you in a greater capacity after you marry. I could not accept nor reject this idea for simple reason, I am not married yet.

So, if my friend's idea is considered as H0, from the statistical signigicant t-test that I conducted with my own method, I am not going to accept the hypothesis, but I will not reject it. (D: Shit, that lecturer really inspired me, I even used his words in my blog). Now, by not rejecting the hypothesis, I start to ask my self whether I can bring this idea even further, claiming the love that we give is the same amount as the love that we received. Hmmm..I have a gut I will reject this idea.

Catlio
No. 2 Gul Circle
"I study law of thermodynamics, law of conservation of momentum, law of conservation of energy and Newton's law 1,2 and 3. But I will never be a lawyer"

[1] One of my favourite Jason Mraz's songs. It's a very beautiful songs. I love the lyrics. It amazed me how he reveals his feeling with words. This song is about someone whom he thinks it's impossible that would ever like him, and it makes him upset, he goes for her, but she offends him..Despite that, she still completes him as there is a part of him that is only exposed when he's with her. This song contains some of the most beautiful lines I've ever heard:

"i bare my windowed seld untamed and untrained"
This is Jason revealing his true self to the woman he is singing to, the side of him he usually hides.

and other two favourites lines: "until all is lost into the beauty of the day" and "and there's something in the way you laugh that makes me feel like a child". And not to mention the last verse of the song. It is just beautiful.