CRASHING DOWN AND GREY'S ANATOMY SEASON 3 EPISODE 19 (9.45 A.M. Trilogy Part 2)

/
Crashing Down:
To undergo a period of unpleasant feeling or depression as an aftereffect of drug-taking.
/

Ku bukan seorang pembohong [ I am not a liar]
Ku wanita biasa [ I am an ordinary woman]
Ku tak maksud menyakitimu [ I do not mean to hurt you]
Kau yang menunggu lama [ You who waited so long]


Maaf maafkanlah aku [Sorry, please forgive me]
Ku tak maksud menghentikan langkahmu [I did not mean to stop you way]
Untuk masuk ke hidupku [to come into my life]
Jangan engkau lupa masa-masa indah kita berdua [Do not forget our lovely moments]

The thing with plans is they do not take into account for the unexpected. So, when we threw the curve ball, whether it is in the OR, or in life, we have to improvise.

I made a plan approximately two years back. For the last one and a half year, I was determined and focused following my plan (some people called me 'crazy' and 'workaholic' and some people even put up a protest against it, but I call it 'determined and focused'). But a string of events at the end of last year gave me some feeling of uneasiness. I stopped my fight, my journey. I looked around, realized few things, questioned myself and started to curse.

And I improvised, tweaking my plan here and there. I was distracted. I changed my priority. Put my work in much a lower position. Went out more often, listened and talked to people more often. In short, kinda crawling back to my life before I made the plan.

And the question is whether the uneasiness that I felt was a crashing down moment or a depression that led me to take the 'drugs'. If, let say the latter was true, during this period I had taken the drugs bit by bit, before I officially became an addict when I went home for holiday last month. That may be the reason my boss said I was a much more happier person. I'm high, boss!.

Nyanyilah di tengah dinginnya air mata [Sing in the midst of tears coldness]
Jadi inilah selamat tinggal [So this is goodbye]
Jadi pergilah engkau [So please go away]

Of course, some of us are better at it than others.

Now. Tomorrow is my statistic mid term and I still have not read a single word about it though I know the paper is gonna be tough. I felt a moment of uneasiness especially when I remembered how I performed at my work and at my study lately. The question is still the same. Am I crashing down? or Am I depressed?

Some of us just have to move on to Plan B and make the best of it.

The first improvisation is easy but not the second one. It is harder than it looks. Moving to Plan B is never easy. Not many people can handle failure and rejection. Not me, I live for the moment. I do not have so many plans to make sure everything perfect coz we can just try our best and let God do the rest. Why worry your life away so much?

I ask myself do I have any option here? One of it must be crashing down and the other is the depression. But I know for sure, both needs cure and I have to deal with it no matter how shitty would that be.

Kubukan seorang pembohong [I am not a liar]
Ku wanita biasa [ I am just an ordinary woman]
Bangunlah jangan kau takut [Wake up, do not be afraid]
Cintamu di hujung pelangi [Your love is a the end of the rainbow]
[Engkau, Nidji][1] [4]

and Sometimes what we want is exactly what we need.

In the end, I choose to believe what I felt last year was the depression and what I feel right now is the crashing down. I am going back to the way it was. In the inside, something may not be repairable, but on the outside I will be determined and focused as ever starting from this point. [2]

but, sometimes what we need isn't in plan. [3]

Catlio
386

[1] What are they trying to say in this song. Kenapa pula Giring mesti ngaku-ngaku jadi wanita biasa. Sumpah, biar gue suka nidji, kalo giring jadi cewe gue gak bakalan naksir. Coba yang di Indo dan pernah liat interviewnya Nidji, bisa kasih tau gue mungkin artinya lagu ini?

[2] N: I know it won't be your favourite decision but please be cool with it. I will mend the mistake I did last time.

[3] These words are quoted from Meredith Grey words in Grey's Anatomy Season 3 Episode 19. The highlights of the episode are:
- Sloan is likely to secure the position of Chief of Surgery by creating a 'Right-now' plan. Ha! Long live lucky bastard.
- Meredith is succesfully performed a very complex procedure and she felt she has made her mother proud. Dead mother.
- Derek realizes he got no plan for future but Meredith.
- George assures Callie's father that he can take care of her but..
- He also realized he slept with his bestfriend, Izzie when he got drunk. Izzie feels it was so right but George think it was a mistake. Poor Izzie. Izzie: Come here, let me give you a hug. heuaheauheuehuehuehe.

[4] Jie, I translate the song especially for you so you can understand my post. Though, I am not confident I've translated it correctly.