SOMETIMES YOUR BEST IS JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH ( 9.45 AM TRILOGY PART 3)

- There is no time left, this trilogy has to be finished today -

Over the phone not so long ago, a friend kinda told me how upset she was because she feel someone did not appreciate her (self-claimed) best effort. My response was cold. "Shit happens, that's life. Sometime you give your best, but your best is just not good enough" [1]. Well, due to limited time and budget, our conversation was cut short. I knew she will be OK, I just feel that I should have said something more comforting that time.

She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up,
Till I close my eyes.
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know.

How many times in life this shit happens to you? You study extra hard for your exam and the next day you just do not wake up and miss the exam. You do an extremely thorough research and working 24/7 to write a good thesis paper, but in the end they reject your journal. Worst, sometime you do your best to prove your worth to someone, but he/she think you are not good enough. I listened to many stories about this. I listened to how they feel rejected, dejected and worst, depressed because of this.

'Coz heaven knows
Why I live in despair
'Coz wide awake or dreamin',
I know she's never there
And all the time I act so brave,
I'm shakin' inside
Why does it hurt me so?
[Heaven Knows, Rick Price][2]

From now on, I think I am going to have a similar answer for those who complain about this. God always play by the rules. All God's act can be justified. It just that we, human, have so many limitations to know the reason and to understand the justification. God knows the future and we don't, so why are we complaining. God is the only one who knows exactly how much the effort you have made. God is the only one who knows how to measure those. We can't. We will always fail to find a good and identical comparison. We just have to have faith, God play by the rules. God will give us what we deserve[3][4].

Every night I pray, I'll have you here someday.
I'll count the stars tonight, and hope with all my might.
That when I close my eyes, you'll be right by my side.
If I could only have one wish you'd be the girl whose lips I'd kiss
All my only dreams.
[All My Only Dreams, The Wonders][5]

We have no control over what the final result will be. We can only control what we can give or take. Two years back, I had a great lesson in my life [6]. In short, I just learned that we can give our best or our worst. You just have to decide how much you will give. For the result, trust me, it is not our business. Why should you worry about the result when God have taken care that for you.

adakah ku singgah dihatimu
mungkinkah kau rindukan adaku
adakah ku sedikit dihatimu
bilakah ku menggangu harimu
mungkinkah kau tak ingin adaku
adakah ku sedikit dihatimu
[Untitled, Maliq & D'essentials][5]

I admit sometime I still fall into the same trap every now and then. I often fail to accept the fact that the result is God's business not mine. However, I keep telling myself that the most important thing is that we should not regret for what we have done. We can give our very best or we can give a half or a quarter of our best due to our limitations, we just have to have a faith that God always give what we deserve.

Regret, just like hope, can linger in your head and kill you slowly.

Catlio
2 Gul Circle

[1] I never criticized the decision. I just hate the way he did it.

[2] This song is my friend's all-time favourite. And I could not find this song in my 40 Gigabyte songs collection. Shame! How could I miss this song?

[3] For those who visit this page and do not believe in God. I am sorry but this post is not for you.

[4] R: You're starting to see this right?

[5] Why suddenly my playlist full of please-kill-me-I-am-brokenhearted songs?

[6] A Lesson which make myself have a very low self-imposed demand now. A lesson which make my friend said I am almost as laidback as her boyfriend. Hahahah I am flaterred.

D: Btw, thanks for sending me a text when you were there. Yes, I know I said that already but I just want to write here so it will remind me to appreciate you more. Not so many people remember me when they are happy. But you are. Even my ex-girlfriend never texted me when she was there. She even prayed that she could marry someone else. Heuheauheaueaheau. Well, she is marrying that someone now, so I will not complain.